What do you regret?
How to transform our shortcomings into growth
Image: pexels
As the year draws to a close, we often find ourselves reflecting on the past twelve months. Many of us have a ritual to pause and express gratitude for the positive events, encounters, and experiences that shaped our year. However, this year, inspired by Daniel Pink’s “The Power of Regret”, we invite you to take a slightly different approach. Alongside gratitude, consider giving regret a seat at the table. This Newsletter is about embracing regret—not as a burden, but rather as a compass for what we want to change or achieve as we move forward.
A few months ago, Veronika, the bold founder of a marketing startup, was presented with a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity. A major client had approached her company looking for a partner to collaborate on an innovative project. It was risky, requiring a significant investment and a leap into unfamiliar territory, but the potential rewards were enormous, both financially and reputationally.
Veronika hesitated. She could not shake her fear of making the wrong decision. What if the investment did not pay off? What if the project failed and jeopardized the stability of her business? Her company, though young, had been very successful thus far. Caught in a web of risk aversion and self-doubt, she chose the safer path and declined the offer.
Now, months later, Veronika´s business grows steadily, but she often wonders, What if? The opportunity was snapped up by a competitor who reaped the benefits she had envisioned. Veronika cannot win that business back, and the regret lingers, not just for the missed revenue, but for the moment she let fear dictate her decision.
Upon reflection, Veronika has realized that her regret is not about failing to act but rather about not trusting herself to take the risk. While she cannot change the past, she now uses this experience as a reminder to approach decisions differently, focusing on courage and growth over comfort and fear. Veronika’s story is not unique. We all experience regret, no matter who we are or what we do. It is a universal emotion.
“Regret doesn´t just make us human. It also makes us better.”
D. Pink
As Daniel Pink’s research reveals, regret is not just a source of pain—it’s a mirror that reflects what we value most and a tool that helps us grow.
Four core categories of regret
To help us understand regret better, let´s take a closer look at the types of regret we experience:
Foundation Regrets – Choices that compromise our stability, like not saving enough or neglecting our health.
Boldness Regrets – Missed opportunities where fear held us back, like Veronika’s hesitation to expand her business.
Moral Regrets – Times we acted against our values, such as speaking harshly to a colleague during a stressful moment and never apologizing.
Connection Regrets – Moments when relationships were neglected, like losing touch with a close friend and realizing, too late, how much they meant to you.
“What distinguishes regret from disappointment is personal responsibility”.
D. Pink
What we experience as regret is often grounded in emotions like shame and sadness. It can be the feeling of loss, the idea of missed opportunities, the pain of defeat, or more importantly, the disconnection between who we were in a particular situation and who we would like to become.
Benefits of regret
However, if we learn to frame regret differently, we can benefit from it, despite its negative connotation. This is what science teaches us about the benefits of regret:
Improved decision-making:
Regret highlights the mistakes we make in our decisions, helping us avoid repeating them if a similar situation arises. For example, imagine entering a business deal without conducting proper due diligence, only for the agreement to fall apart and drain your financial resources. That regret can highlight the importance of thorough evaluation, ensuring you take the necessary steps to assess risks and align expectations in the future.
Performance enhancement:
Although regret does not always serve as a performance booster, it can if reflection comes after the setback. Think about a time when you missed the mark by just a little bit. Maybe you lost a contract to a competitor by a slight margin. This near miss likely sparks regret, which leads to reflection, which helps you refine your strategy and ultimately improve performance.
Discover what really matters:
When we reflect on why we regret something, we gain light as to what is important to us in life. As Daniel Pink writes, regret “deepens meaning”. We learn to treasure and appreciate things that go well, relationships that thrive, and decisions that strengthen our alignment with our values.
The Challenge for the next 14 days
As part of ending 2024, we invite you to make some space in your calendar and go to a place where you can be alone with your thoughts. Take the time to go through the last 12 months and identify what you regret most.
Do not dwell long in the pain and sadness of this memory, but rather identify what it taught you and embrace the lesson.
Take one action to address or honor that lesson: Reach out and apologize, have the difficult conversation, rethink your strategy, make the time for self-care, and straighten your priorities.
Thank you for staying with us throughout this year. Your support and engagement have meant so much, and we are grateful for the opportunity to connect with you. Wishing you a joyful holiday season and a fantastic year ahead. We look forward to continuing to grow and learn together in 2025!
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